Look at this fucking awful tumblr

We dropped the good sense ball harder than CNN this week.

Still, we don’t feel that bad about our design choices for the week. When you spend as much time crawling the tumbleshpere as we do, you see a lot of ugly, hard to read tumblrs. It’s like their parents decided to build their clumsy child’s treehouse in the bad taste tree.

All we can say is [overused phrase from a brilliant sketch show].

Pros: Regular “snark” blogging resumes monday.

Every day, Federal scientists are looking for new ways to kill tumblrs. To defeat the enemy, we must know the enemy.

Take for instance your basic tumblr. Minimal IQ, shoddy construction and completely boring.

Everyone is doing their part. Are you?

Would you like to know more?

Pros: The only good tumblr is a dead tumblr.

Frustrated by his inability to gain literary notoriety, by the endless stream of tumblr-based book deals, and by the urging of the publisher of a skin mag he sometimes contributed short stories to Kilgore Trout created a tumblr.

The popularity of internet porn, fan fiction, and the watering down of his genre by the likes of Joss Whedon had significantly reduced his already meager income. He couldn’t afford a computer, or internet access, so he was forced to go to the library, where he was already not welcomed due to an unfortunate incident where a librarian caught him throwing up a newly-emptied flask of cheap whiskey.

Tumblr’s dead simple, large buttoned interface was just barely within Kilgore’s technology comfort zone. The series of likes and reblogs that populated his dashboard confused him, and he avoided even glancing at his tumblarity, both for his lack of understanding of the concept and the constant zero staring back at him, which reminded him of too many dissapointments in his life.

The girl sitting next to him was apparently having an online staring contest with a girl sitting on the other side of the room. She pointed him to a “brilliant” tumblr with scenes from what she said were popular television shows with literary captions underneath them.

Kilgore glanced through its archives and shook his head saying, “This fucking thing is going to get a book deal.”

The girl next to him starting to giggle, and the librarian who already had it out for him intensified her stare. With that, he deleted his tumblr account.

Pros: Kilgore Trout has been so wrong about so many things in his life that there is little doubt that he could actually tell who would get a book deal.

Pros: Probably not a frakking toaster.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call “The Tumblr Zone”.

Witness if you will a Tumblr, made out of HTML, CSS and reblogs that stretch to infinity. The Tumblr has an URL: http://sierracore.tumblr.com and at that URL you will find Ms. Sierra Core.

Sierra Core, a nineteen-year-old girl unlike any other, one who is wholly unaware to the terror and horror she is exacting.

This is the Tumblr Zone.

Pros: No comment here, no comment at all. We only wanted to introduce you to little Sierra Core. Just know that if you do meet Sierra, you can be sure of one thing: you have entered the Tumblr Zone.

Captain’s Log, Stardate 63146.5: We are cautiously entering the Tumblr star system three days after confronting a hostile spacecraft in the Delta quadrant.

Starfleet Command has directed latfat to do a preliminary exploration of Jake Elynn — in advance of a full research team. Sensors report the atmosphere to be unbreathable and we are receiving confusing readings with regard to intelligent life forms.

A landing party composed of our chief officers is beaming down to the planet’s surface.

Captain’s Log, Supplemental: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet. Tricorder readings indicate that the creature is not hostile.

We’ve ordered the landing party to transport back to the ship. Further analysis indicated that it was a sensor ghost, as there are no signs of intelligence.

Pros: Welcome to Science Fiction Fun Week at latfat!