Our Screen Capture intern just finished up her summer internship here at latfat and well, it couldn’t have gone worse.
Like most interns, she was pompous, arrogant, a know-it-all, and just over that threshold of hotness that makes her impossible for any of our creative staff to have a chance in hell –- even if she was a Winter intern and the illustration department spiked the punch at the company holiday party (We love the illustration department. Wait, we have an illustration department?).
She constantly told us that we needed Macintosh computers. She demanded the use of the Grab application and complained about having to use Paint and the PrntSc button.
We kept reminding her that times were tough and our 1984 Honda Accord with the cardboard floor wouldn’t fetch much cash right now. And surely, whatever money we might get would go into booze, not into an over-priced abacus. Screw cash for clunkers. Our Compaq Presario towers and dial-up 14k modems work just fine.
But at least she wasn’t a D.C. intern (Ah-Ha! And now we get closer to the crux of our point).
D.C. interns are the worst of the worst. They think they are the most important beings on the planet and that because they work in a congressperson’s office, power is in their hands. Their false sense of importance is enough to make one leave D.C. – which by-the-way, is why we have a New York City office.
You hear them on the Metro in their nasal voices.
“Okay. Like, are you going to Reginald’s party at Front Page?”
“O. M. G. Like, I totally am. But first, I have to meet my boyfriend in Chevy Chase. You know the one, the lawyer!”
“Oh. The lawyer! Ugh. I just hate all these black people on the train.”
“Yea, I know. How come they have to ride the train? They should stay on the buses.”
It’s the opposite of awesome.
Which brings us to this Tumblr: Sir, you are the opposite of awesome. There isn’t a single redeeming value to your posts. Much like the D.C. interns, you serve no purpose in the game of life.
You are not witty, nor are you in the least bit original. Oh sure, you have a lot of followers and you follow a few hundred people, but you aren’t important in the grand scheme of it all – what you post is merely retreads of previous posts.
You also live on Long Island and adore Brand New. Great Bloom’n Onion.
Your complaints about being a white man in a black person’s body – we’ve heard it all before (Paging C. Thomas Howell).
Pros: Our posts get more asinine by the day. Three words: Rae, Dawn, Chong.
